His fear wasn't paranoia: a Ukrainian boy and the fragile concept of safety

When I was traveling recently, a conversation with an airplane seatmate impacted my view of safety in a profound way.  We started chatting, he in broken English, and he told me he was from Ukraine.  I told him how sorry I am for all that his country is experiencing.  He had come to the United States as an 18-year old, and he was traveling to see his mom in Germany.  As most moms will tell you, we are thrilled for any opportunity to spend time with our adult children. 

"I bet she's so excited to see you," I said.

"Yes," he replied.  "I haven't seen her in four years."

My heart dropped at the length of their separation, and I struggled to contain my emotions.  I told him that we have four kids, two right around his age.  

"Are they safe, your children?" he asked with genuine concern. I assured him they are, while I struggled to wrap my head around his perception of safety.  Most of us worry about safety when we travel, when we're doing a risky activity, or walking to our car at night.  As someone from a war-torn country, he worried about safety all the time.

As so many recent events have demonstrated, we are not immune to danger in the United States.  Violence is prevalent here, an unwelcome reality that confronts us too often.  We should always be situationally aware, identifying potential risks, and making plans to escape from danger.  Even so, we exist in a much different world that this young man. We don't worry about a bomb dropping on our street. We don't fear a soldier from another country shooting us as we try to get food. As I've struggled to process what to take away from this interaction, a few thoughts stand out:

Safety is the most basic of human needs.  If we've experienced situations in which we aren't safe for long periods of time, whether in our home country, at school, or even in our own home, it forever shifts the importance of safety in our minds.  It's hard to focus on even critical needs like food or shelter if our safety is at risk.

Safety is not something we should take for granted.  While nothing can guarantee our safety, we can enhance our personal safety with situational awareness, verbal boundary setting, and by learning self-defense skills.  We hope you'll empower yourself to be safer. If you're a young person, KickStart Self-Defense can provide free training to build your skills and your confidence. In the meantime, stay safe out there. I hope my Ukrainian friend will experience a future that is much safer than the one he's experienced so far.